Things I Know to Be True

Our president is a useless fuckwit who deserves to rot in prison.

Only one conspiracy theory is true: Melania has a stand-in for photo ops.

GMOs are fine, and organic isn’t any better or healthier than non-organic. But Monsanto is evil.

Chris Evans is the best Chris.

My favorite work of art is Dali’s “Portrait of Mrs. Mary Sigall,” and my favorite part is the two angels high-fiving each other in the background.